The following is an excerpt from Marja West’s upcoming book F’d WIDE OPEN-Love, Now: Untying the Knot—The Heart-Based New Humanity Awakens
Copyright © 2010-13 Marja West All rights Reserved.
Love is now. It’s not yesterday. It’s not tomorrow. Love is now. Love has no past. Love has no future. Love just is.
Love can only exist here, now, this very moment. Love can only be given and received now. Love can only be experienced now. Even feelings and memories of love way back when can only be remembered now. Yet, when it comes to our love relationships, most of us are completely unaware of this fact—we go off in our minds tripping into past time or future time, or we’re “twittering” or downloading the latest and coolest apps onto our awesome I-Phones, or we’re somewhere else like making a mental note to take out the garbage later or clean out the cat box—neglecting our love, our partners, forgetting love, now.
Humanity has access to thousands of “How To” relationship books that detail how to hook up with your life partner while keeping everyone else happy, and achieve explosive multiple orgasms, make your own sex toys, and twist your physical body into a double pretzel to drive your lover wild with unending pleasure.
There are also books on the various slants and types of relationships. Women want to understand men. Men want to understand women. We want to be able to communicate to each other and speak the same language, or at least use the same alphabet. Men want women who are part bitch, part whore. But should they want children, men also want women who will be good mothers, good cooks, and keep a clean and tidy house while bringing home a six figure salary. Women want men with a well-developed feminine side, who can also throw them up against the bedroom wall and sex them up good and proper, and not wimp out. And some us (man or woman) just want to be taken care of financially, no questions asked.
Other books regard love as the oldest game in all history, with a clearly defined set of rules—some of which are clearly unspoken, yet universally understood. The rules and rigmarole of our modern day dating rituals are elaborate. Apparently, there are lots of them regarding dating: rules for calling, emailing and texting, dressing, eating, drinking, kissing, sex etiquette, and the morning after. I am certainly not the kind of woman who will eat a meal just before a dinner date so that I can appear to be more interested in my date than in my dinner. Rules. Rules. Rules. We’re also inundated with scientific rules and expertise that proves once again that we’re just slaves to our biochemical and neuro-chemical responses once we’re sexually aroused—oh the battles of oxytocin and testosterone, and blaming our hormones for our troubles.
We’ve all heard of, or read these books, and thank God/Goddess/All-That-Is for their convenient, accessible wisdom, providing bits and pieces of insight to this mysterious puzzle called Love. These books have contributed significantly to our collective concepts and notions of love and relationships—but despite savvy marketing, well promoted and attended workshops, and TV infomercials, nothing has really changed for those of us whom love still eludes. Either that perfect someone is way late in arriving upon our proverbial doorsteps or the person next to us—our supposed Beloved is anything but that.
Collective concepts and notions of love are just that—concepts and notions. They are not the real deal and completely mind-made, and certainly don’t invite the heart to relax and open.
The truth is, despite the fact that we have developed our minds and created an expanded world in terms of technology and incredible wealth exclusive to a minority of humanity, when it comes to matters of the heart—our relationships leave much to be desired. For most of us, our relationships have left our hearts broken, crushed, frozen, tattered, and numb, armored and defended, or completely shut down—refusing love. Period.
The twentieth century on Earth was the bloodiest, most violent, and most unconscious era in humanity, and we have yet to come to terms with it. The technological marvels our minds and creative natures brought into reality, allowed us to coldly kill millions of people at the push of a button without batting an eyelash, yet we can’t seem to see to it that every man, woman, and child is cared for, clothed, fed, and housed.
We ignore, and yet simultaneously focus on, the reality of violence that we humans still inflict upon each other, often without the willingness to really see our own behavior. And we wonder why things never seem to change for the better.
It is impossible to walk and talk “Love Thy Neighbor” when we don’t know the first thing about love, or who and what we truly are. It is impossible to actively love when we refuse to understand and accept the nature of suffering—the suffering we inflict upon ourselves as well as others. To some people, watching others suffer is entertaining.
When it comes to love and the Beloved, we are so distracted by the world and by our endless lists of “things to do”—that we have to engage our imagination to touch upon the concepts and the notions of love, and perceive them as real, rather than connecting with what love really is.
Because of this fast-paced, technology-driven world, we’ve had to create “date night” to schedule time with our significant others and sometimes even do so begrudgingly, as if we would turn into a hideous dried out pumpkin for taking precious time away from the world to take care of ourselves, our relationships, and precious Beloveds. Science has created and designed drugs—legal and otherwise—to turn us on, or numb us out from our pain, which is always about the past, so we can pretend that we can and will stay up energetically and sexually, all night long. At least that’s the promise, the tease. But, maybe we’ll just drink too many cocktails before, during and after dinner, so we’ll just pass out and nothing has to happen at all. And when there’s no possibility for real love or sexual connection, there’s always the sex-obsessed eye-candy of porn—all visual substitutions for real love, keeping us distracted from the love we truly desire.
None of this artificial stuff works for very long. We get sucked in and caught up in the ya-ya-ga-ga-za-za of the world, trapped in an endless cycle of seeking and despair. And if any of it does happen to help temporarily, we’re ultimately unable to live up to the nonsense long term. We slowly kill ourselves trying to pretend that the lack of love in our lives is all right—“just hand me my Prozac, a stiff drink, some porn, a healthy bank account balance, let me sit comatose in front of my favorite television shows while I surf the net, let me shop until I drop, let me fuck away the pain.”
Most of us know this path with its various trails and offshoots. Whether we medicate with drugs, sex, food, shopping, television, or self-help books, some of us continue distracting ourselves for the whole of our lives. Some of us give up on relationships altogether, sinking into work or other distractions or escapes. Some of us have nervous breakdowns. Some of us live our lives lonely, isolated and depressed.
The good news is: more and more of us are waking up!
There will be an invitation.
It will not come tied in ribbons
nor a message streaming down
from the sky.
…In order to hear it,
you will need to
put down all your packages,
stop everything you are doing
and stand very still
until something stirs inside…
–Dorothy Walters, A LANGUAGE YOU ONCE KNEW
Stop all that you are doing. Stop running.
You are awake enough to be reading this, so pat yourself on the back. You are waking up, and becoming more and more conscious about the endless mindless “doing” that you do—the frantic running away from what is. You are becoming quiet, more and more still. You are becoming more and more aware of your breath and the sound of your beating heart. You are getting face-to-face with yourself, your pain, your perpetual discontent, and your erroneous concepts of who and what you are. You are getting real with your emptiness, your longing, and your loneliness. You are witnessing the many ways you distract yourself with shiny objects and habits—all strategies to keep you enmeshed in your mind, believing your thoughts without question, and creating stories around those thoughts. Yet, life and love are directly experienced in your body from the neck down.
This is the way of it. This is the way of life, of love, of aligning yourself with your Divinity, finally finding yourSelf. You are what you have been seeking all along! It is your mind that keeps telling you otherwise. It’s time to tell your mind how it really is!
Wisdom Inside You
I am not a Buddhist
nor am I a yogi.
My robe has no
My great teacher
I sit here now
–Dorothy Walters, MEDITATION
We are grateful for the self-help experts, but enough! We don’t need any more experts with expert opinions, and their amusing charts and statistics to know and see the facts, nor do we need another self-proclaimed tantric master or spiritual guru who really is just another money hungry con artist or sexual letch beneath all the incense, mantras, rituals, and spaced out followers proclaiming only s/he can deliver you to Nirvana or Samadhi, and get you to experience Paramatman, or get you to manifest a luxury sports car in three minutes flat!
Our mentors and teachers are still humans evolving and embodying more and more light with each inhalation of breath, and letting go of something (just like the rest of us) with every exhale.
Receive their gifts, but keep your power so you can offer your gifts too.
You already are the Divine Self.
You are your own master.
You are your own guru. So, own it! Be your own guru!
Have a good look at what’s going on in the world. In many ways, it’s a frelling mess, chaotic, out of balance, ugly, violent, and disconnected. Yet at the same time, the world is beautiful, peaceful, and perfect. The world is you. The world is me. We are the world. We know something’s way off balance, but we also know it’s all good. That’s the way of the world. To think of the world as either good or bad is insanity. The world is the way it is. The world is a macroscopic, collective manifestation of all our relationships—whether personal or business. The world is a reflection of each individual’s respective collective experiences.
A peaceful world starts with a peaceful you. Have a good look at that.
So, let’s all get real and start looking for the answers within each and every one of us.
Answers are stirring within, endeavoring to reconnect with our true natures. This is the Divine within each of us who recognizes the essential nature of goodness residing in our hearts—no matter how closed off, no matter how damaged by the past.
Love. Love. Love.
The first thing about love is that we are love.
We are love.
As humans we all want to express and share love in a way that’s true for us, and we all want to be loved.
You can be a hypocrite and declare that’s not true, but the fact is we are all here for the very same reasons—to express love, to share love, to be loved, to find love.
None of these can be actualized until we realize that we are love.
The second thing is that we are life itself.
Love is the state of being life, an expression of the Divine. The search for love is not a search for anything or anyone outside ourSelves. It is the realization that we are all expressions of love, and that to be loved is about realizing who and what we all are beyond form, beyond the physical, beyond our human conditioning, beyond our titles, identities, achievements, and possessions. From this realization, everything we do and say is imbued with Divine light, with conscious presence. Love begets love.
Sex—The world’s substitute for Love
pulled down the pants of Love
And found Sex all dressed up
Masquerading as Love
Wearing a wetsuit of desire and false promises
Sex pointed to the sky
And invited me to ride those familiar waves
As if I wouldn’t know the difference
The world and its experts have hypnotized us. We have been conditioned to believe that worldly pursuits for power, wealth, material things, and ego gratification are much more important than love. To compensate for this hypnotic filter, we have settled for the entertainment and distraction of sex—the world’s substitute for love. We have also fallen prey to the pseudo-spiritual practice of westernized tantra—which has nothing whatsoever to do with true Ancient Tantric practices. Tantra is one of the most “googled” terms on the internet by teenagers all over the world. I have heard first-hand teenagers blatantly reference tantra as being part of the “new age California fuck-fest scam”—wild indiscriminate sex galore for one and all under the guise of finding God. It is popular new age entertainment in the western world of sex, drugs, rock n’ roll, and new age bliss bunnies pandering to soft porn, and is utterly misleading in its flagrant misrepresentation of the Ancient spiritual-yogic practices of the far east—Hindu Tantra, Taoist, and Buddhist Tantra.
Adding to the entertaining and sensationalism related to the spiritual junkie’s search for love and amazing sex is the latest befuddling new age notion of programming in “the one” by making a list of all your wants, needs, preferences, non-negotiable must-haves, and “shoulds,” so that “the one” will miraculously materialize in response.
The reason this programmed list fails to deliver is that it’s still based on getting what you lack. It brings more suffering and more of what’s missing in your life because most of these wants and needs are borne of selfish and shallow past experiences—all the disappointments and past pain from previous relationships.
The Cosmic Law of Attraction says that “like attracts like,” and what you focus on you will bring about. Focusing on what you don’t want just brings more of what you don’t want right to you. Some folks say that opposites attract, but perhaps what’s really going on is a magnet between you, and the qualities in another that you lack and desire to develop in yourself, whether you are conscious of this or not.
So, what about love?
Copyright ©2010-2013 Marja West. All rights reserved.